+ pilgrimage to uluru

When the burden is yours
When you're all that is
When the time is now

For the longest time I've been stuck. Holding on to the threads of so many expressions. Some of which actuated, some of which remain marks on a page. I find it so hard to share, to be visible. I want it all to be perfect. A need to control the space in which my expressions sit. I allow the container to become more important than the elixir it holds. But really I’m afraid. Afraid of myself, of my own power, and of the judgement I think will come. 

I needed healing. Healing in my soul, healing in my physical form, healing from the earth. I wove a journey for myself, pulled it from my elemental essence and threw myself into it whole heartedly. My great pilgrimage to meet the creator spirit, to sit with Uluru. I needed to go alone, to challenge all that I feared, all that I wanted to confront about my place in the world. Being alone, being vulnerable, being visible. I want to tear down the system that tells me I can’t do things because I’m a woman, but to do that I have to face the part of myself that believed it to be true! I wanted to take responsibility for myself, for my illness, for my fear, for my privilege, and for the time I have spent in ignorance for the suffering that the indigenous people of this vast landscape are enduring as a result of my people being here.

I charted my own expedition into the unknown, an elemental explorer of the vast interior. Driving my land rover Mad Mulligan 9580km from the east coast of Australia to Uluru and back again. Sleeping, laughing, eating, dreaming, crying, unravelling and exploring in Mulligan. She became an extension of my own body, breathing in the landscape as I did. Inch by inch I made my way through this transformation. This series of personal video journals are my open expression during this great pilgrimage. They helped me to keep moving through deep emotional rivers and through the remote Australian landscape. They track the energetic continuum that was forging deep transformations in my being. 

I never thought I would share them. They are so raw, so vulnerable, so real. It’s me as I am. Not the controlled version, not the eloquent version, not the version who has the walls up and keeps a safe distance from the lens. The truth is I’m tired of standing in my shadows. I’m tired of being trapped in a cage that I built for myself. I’m tired of being afraid. I’ve had enough.

I now see that I was trying so hard to be what I already was. That my elemental essence is embedded in everything I do. So it’s time for me to disarm this loop of fear and rejection. I create my world and this cage no longer serves me. This is me as I am. Thank you for helping to bring me here, I know we are doing this together. I welcome this moment with all my heart.

I share this here with love: 
With love for my expression and its beauty in the world
With love for you and the infinite connection we share
With love for my challenges and heartbreaks
With love for my privilege to be here on this sacred land
With love for myself

11.1 Pilgrimage to Uluru

11.2 Pilgrimage to Uluru

11.3 Pilgrimage to Uluru

11.4 Pilgrimage to Uluru

11.5 Pilgrimage to Uluru

11.6 Pilgrimage to Uluru

11.7 Pilgrimage to Uluru